Archive for September 11th, 2011

What Am I doing?

I really don’t know what I’m doing this month. I thought this would be one of the stories that I’d be all over like a mouse on cheese. Apparently my subconscious feels differently. I went shopping today (my wardrobe really did need it- my roommate surprised me with a pair of flip-flops this morning. That’s how pathetic my closet is. My roommate feels compelled to help clothe me) then headed into town. I originally wanted to get an internet stick so I can have internet at home but I think that’s going to have to wait a while longer (as in Christmas present longer).

To be honest, the weight of the significance of today really weighed me down yesterday. I wasn’t able to write, socialize or do anything, really, outside of work. I think today I needed to take my mind off things that have been bothering me. Thankfully the weather has been cooperating. It’s finally fall here, well 60/40 Fall/Summer blend. I adore it. It’s warm enough for summery clothes if you can’t let go just yet but if you’re like me and Fall is one of your true loves, it’s warm enough to break out the light sweaters, t-shirt layers and even a little knit beret or other such hat. Well, maybe it’s a tiny bit warm for all that but I don’t care, I’ll be a one-woman welcome wagon for the incoming season! Hello Fall, my love! Where have you been?

A big part of my problem is that I don’t know how to stay motivated when this is so difficult. Should I dangle a fairly large prize at the end of the month for incentive? Smaller ones that involve others (i.e. socializing when I hit a certain word count or extra walkies each night I make my daily requirement)? Or perhaps more self care treats are required like a yoga class or a massage. I just don’t know.

I do know that the biggest problem is that I’m so far behind now. I think I’ve thrown in the towel for this one but I really don’t want to quit now. I’m not even a quarter of the way through yet! This is unacceptable. At the same time, this train of thought isn’t helping. It’s so hard to let it go and let it be what it will be. Given that I haven’t even hit the 1/2 way mark yet, it’s too early for this business. The easiest way to deal with things is one day at a time. I have to practice my perseverance. And stay away from the mall!

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