As Lou Costello Once Said in a Movie…

“I’m like a little flower after a heavy rain… I’m droopin’.”

There’s a lot that is unsettling me this month and none of it’s good (that’s kind of a blond statement, eh?). It’s been a tough two weeks to get back on track and like I said to my Dad last night, if I could figure out what’s the problem I’d fix it ASAP. Maybe it’s just the seasonal changes. I know that since moving down east my head’s been overly sensitive to the barometric pressure changes. Today for instance, I felt like my eyeballs were going to pop right out of my head. So maybe it’s a combination of weather, writing and other things.

I think I have to accept the realization that I don’t care about this month’s story. Is that bad of me? I feel like a neglectful parent. Maybe I should give this story up for adoption. Has anyone else had experience with the hard-boiled crime genre? What about it, exactly, makes it so hard?

I always look at a story and think “that’ll be easy-peasy” or “what can be so hard about that style? I have the outline already sketched out in my head” but in reality it’s really difficult. I wish I could figure out what is making this one so hard. I don’t think it’s the dialogue, although that’s been a challenge; I think it’s the fact that I don’t know how to approach this style and where to take things. I write a couple hundred words but always stop when there’s a junction for my character. I only have 15 or so pages and what has Frank done? Not much other than drink and walk around. I have no clue what else to do with him.

I’m beyond feeling frustrated now. Perhaps I need a break from the crazy writing for a bit. I’ll keep working on this so when next September comes around maybe I can finish the story. I think I have a decent plot outline but even then I’m not sure if that’s what should be happening. unfortunately I can’t think of anything else. I’m really crossing my fingers that this is the only delinquent but somehow I doubt it. There will be more challenges to come but I hope I can overcome them.

Am I throwing the towel in too soon? Giving up too easily? It’s a precarious balance between pushing yourself to do your best while maintaining your sanity and protecting yourself from burnout.