Wunderkind? Ha. I don’t think so. It’s another month of struggles and lackadaisical ambition. The idea of October’s thrills and chills are much better to be enjoyed rather than participating in, I think. I love the gruesome, scary bits and pieces of the month but I just can’t bring myself to write the horrifying, depraved scenes that unwind in my head. In fact, I can’t even imagine anything that could be scary enough to compete with what’s out there now. Perhaps if I wrote what’s in my head 20 years ago it’d be shiver-worthy, but it seems that most of society has been exposed to sex, blood and guts to the point that it’s had to think of things that carry any shock value. I don’t want to be the writer that does it. I am no “Saw” mastermind. That clown person freaks me out.
So what’s been happening in my sorry little tale? There was a mass murder, I think I described the victims as “Christmas Baubles” in an old cypress tree and scarecrows in a fallow field. I’m not exactly stuck but I’m hesitant to really put into words what’s happening in my head. I don’t want to dwell on the nitty gritty descriptions that make a twisted scene absolutely appalling. Can I write what I’m thinking? For sure. I don’t really seem to want to though.
There’s a big part of me that’s scared about what I might discover if I let these reins go on my imagination. Am I in the realm of R.L. Stein or am I more Dean Koontz? I’m afraid to let people into my head with this story; it feels like there’d be judgments made even though they may do their best to be impartial. It’s like the romance genre. I can really go off the deep end with the scenes so how far do I dare fall? There’s nothing dictating who gets to read my work but after writing something, it’s nice to have an audience. I don’t know if I could let something sit on my shelf and gather dust.
I’m really, really excited for November because it’s finally NaNoWriMo. I’m hoping since there will be a zillion people doing the same thing I am, I’ll be able to get back into the true writing regime. No more half-attempts nad lukewarm writing sessions. I want to be back where I was in August- crazy-haired, squiggly-eyed, enthusiasm with 10 possessed fingers. Maybe I’m just not drinking enough coffee. I’m not sure.
With 10 days left in October, what can I manage to pull together? We shall see! I’m not giving up, have no fear!
12 Novels in 12 Months 
The beauty of writing is that you have control over who reads what you write. The moment you doubt yourself or let fear dictate where your boundaries are, you’ll never grow and you’ll always be afraid. Be bold. 🙂
Thanks, C.B. I think I got caught up in sharing these works but you’re absolutely right. I get to decide who gets to read these. I’m going to keep working on it!