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Archive for November 14th, 2011

That’s right. I’ve begun to care about the outcome of each month’s story. Thus, the entire premise of this project is in jeopardy. How was I able to write the first two in a month each? Because to be perfectly frank, I didn’t give a RA (you know the swear) about how terrible they were or about their childlike simplicity. I had a story in me that was forming as I worked and I focused on it to express what needed to be said. I’ve lost that ability.

Now, I care about how realistic my dialogue is and about how complex and sophisticated my story line is. I want it to be 3rd or 4th draft quality when it doesn’t matter. This is the shell of something that could turn out great. Or, it’s a month-long project to help me maintain my sanity and keep the creative spark going. This desire for perfection will only cause trouble (and already has).

Writing for me is as natural as running is to an athlete. It should be automatic and easy. There should be a natural high from the exertion and the journey. Thus, this shouldn’t be about the destination but rather about the whole process. I should be able to sit down and spew out whatever ideas are floating around my mind. It shouldn’t be this hard but it is because I’ve gotten caught up in performance anxiety. Just like an athlete- I can’t get caught up in the hoopla surrounding this. If I do, I might trip over my feet, slow down to check out the spectators or not even manage to leave the starting block.

Considering a marathon for me is a city block and that I see running as a form of self-defense, I think that’s enough with the sports analogy. My point is that I’ve lost sight of what attracted me to this project and made it into something much more than it should be. I’ve started writing for an audience I don’t have and have no right to expect instead of for myself. This will have to change. It might take some time to change this mindset but I’ll do my bestest. The best way is to just write and not care how much I do and how it’s turning out.

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