If I Ignore WordPress Enough, I Won’t Realize How Far I’ve Fallen

They say ignorance is bliss. I say ignorance is denial’s bedfellow. I know this month has been as bad as September and October were and there’s no reason for it. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me when I say I miss my writing but I really do. I wish I could sit on the couch for hours and whiz through a few thousand words and earn the satisfaction of seeing a story come to life. But I’m no where near accomplishing that again. Call me optimistic or call me delusional but I still think there’s hope for me.

I honestly don’t know how to get back my discipline other than by brute force. And I suspect that’s the only way. I keep wishing I had my own apartment so I could spend time in say, the living room, without fighting dogs for couch space, allergies acting up or who knows what else. What can I say? I spent 4 years on my own in Toronto- I doubt I can co-habitate unless I marry my roommate and even then the situation’s iffy. I keep telling my Mom that my ideal future involves buying two adjacent condos and installing a connecting door for my husband and I. But I digress.

I don’t seem to be doing too well, am I? Is it too unrealistic to expect to be able to complete a full novel each month in 12 different genres? Am I trying to force myself to succeed when it’s a rare talent to be a versatile writer? I keep thinking about the Western and Eleanor. I seem to be missing her and thinking about her next adventure. But, I set a project out for myself and I want to stick with it. I’m crossing my fingers that I’ll have a few more manuscripts at the end of the year. I still have 3 of the original 4 novels left to complete- the steampunk (December), chicklit (April), and mystery (May).

Each month I don’t succeed makes it harder to believe I’ll end up with another manuscript and that makes me sad. I love writing and really miss it. You would think that that would be enough so why isn’t it? I love working on the big pieces; sure short stories are fun and they can be whipped up and are fun little quickies but I’m becoming addicted to the character development and suspense of a novel. I just wish I came across another style that seems to work we ll for me. Only time will tell. I mustn’t give up though!