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Archive for January 10th, 2012

It’s slightly snowy and very cold here, I woke up late so I missed the gym and I’m cranky. I’m feeling decidedly NOT perky or sunny. I had such a promising start to the month and it’s fizzling out faster than a dollar-store sparkler.

There’s a lot I want to change in my life and it’s going to be tough. Maybe the weight loss will be the easiest so you know that’s saying something about the rest of my goals. I know life it full of difficult times and this is far from dire straits, the soundtrack to Les MisĂ©rables doesn’t feel too far off. People right now are having trouble staying steady. The world is a house of cards at the moment in every aspect of life. This means that professionals, especially young entrepreneurs and those in the healthcare field building their own practice (like me) find the balancing act precarious. I have no doubt that each day another popsicle stick is added to reinforce my own tiny world and the support and stricture from that tiny addition will add up. So I think the best thing to do is to work on supporting that as best I can and forget about the unsparkly aspect of the endeavour.

This is why the other components of my life are so important. I wish I could give up most of them to do my writing but I can’t. The writing is another massive project, and while it doesn’t pay the bills, I would love for it to contribute a but to them. This obviously won’t happen overnight. The world of writing is very much a gamble and a game of paying it forward. You really have to love the profession and pour your heart and soul into what you’re creating. The hard part is that there’s no guarantee that something will ever come of it. It’s like a poker game- the pot’s unknown and you’ve gambled the most that you think you can afford. When the river card’s turned over, will it make you or crush you?

So, in my poker game, I’ve got some distractions that help dissipate the tension and keep things sane. These are:

1. the gym- the government should make gyms free. They’re worth every penny because they help alleviate stress and encourage a healthier lifestyle. It’s a great place to brainstorm and work out plot problems or not. Sometimes it’s nice to just get away from living in your head and focus on your body. You need that down time.

2. Irish Gaelic lessons- I started learning Irish in the summer and I’m hooked. I find it’s enough of a challenge to keep my mind flexible and sprightly but not so taxing that it’s not another struggle that makes for a lot of work and energy. Plus, there’s a social aspect that gets me out of the house, out of work and into another group of people where our interests and passions for Ireland, the language, the culture is shared. I’m still determined to move there, you know. Consider this another poker game.

3. Yesterday- where do I begin with her? She’s my little rock. I completely understand being a mother now. We go everywhere together and coming home to her little furry body is the best part of my day. We go to play group every other Friday and it’s quickly become one of those sanity-saving moments in life. It’s another time when Im not constantly thinking of work or writing. Those breaks are necessary to recharge my batteries. Now we’re also volunteering so there’ll be a whole new social circle to settle into.

4. Dance lessons- This is a combination of #1 & #2. I love everything about the 30’s and 40’s (well, aside from the Depression and WWII, obviously) but everything else… I was most definitely born in the wrong era. Or maybe in my previous life I was a WAC. Whatever it is, there’s an undeniable link the Charleston/Swing/Big Band era and me.

So in short, there’s plenty in my life to help keep me grounded. The beauty of this is that not one of those items has to be accomplished every single day. The trick in balancing is realizing that and when the time comes for dance lessons or an early morning swim, is to actually do it. Nothing is more frustrating than not going through with plans because of laziness. And let’s face it. I’m a lazybones.

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This post comes from a place in which m no writer wants to find him/her-self. The almost-writers block stage. Writing is intimidating. I’ve been caught up in doubting my ability, my storyline, my pacing, and the direction of the plot and pretty much anything other problem you can find. I don’t suppose it could really be called writers block if you still have an idea of story potential but I would consider the mechanical freeze and one of the components of the dreaded W.B.

I wish I could moderate my life a lot better. I’ve talked to writers who have to sequester themselves from life and just focus on their work and others who find inspiration happens on the busiest days when they have to cram a zillion and one things into 24 hours. I need the schedule of the former when I really wish I was the latter. There are a lot of things in my life that I just can’t give up. In reality, there isn’t too much happening. I’m lucky- I don’t have to juggle a family and a job as well as my writing, I don’t even have to worry about anyone in my life other than Yesterday. Trust me, she’s more than enough some days. I’ve been trying to get to the gym super early so that I have some time to work on my story in the morning before jetting off to work. Sadly, that is still a work in progress. Other than that, the rest of my activities are piecemeal- Irish Gaelic language lessons, volunteering with Yesterday, and dance lessons. You’d think I’d have enough time in the day for the gym, work, writing and one other activity. How is that not the case?

I wish I was a better multi-tasker. There’s a lot in life that is more difficult to accomplish because I can’t work on two projects simultaneously or some things that are impossible and hat’s frustrating. What it really comes down to is building a schedule and sticking with it. It should be easier once I get my diary pages for my Filofax and can see my week and month outlined for me. ANNNNND, starting next week, I’ll be getting Mondays off as well! I’m hoping that with 2 days off, I’ll be able to recharge my batteries more completely and be ready for the week and all its craziness. I would love to have one day that’s mostly dedicated to writing. Perhaps then my Sundays won’t be a pipe dream for my creativity. I’m tired of saying “we’ll see.” It’s time for something to happen! I’m sad to say, but I need Pascal back. That little fiend really knew how to whip me into shape. If the army ever needs a drill sergeant, they can rent him.

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