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Archive for January 22nd, 2012

I have no recollection of writing that post yesterday. I honestly thought that I had a better track record over the past couple days but skipped a day or two between this post and the latest one. Apparently that’s not the case or my calendar is lying to me.

My writing has floundered once again. It’s not looking promising for this story and to be honest, I’m wearing out. I love writing, I really do but this pace has been so difficult to maintain. Is it a case of practice makes perfect? Or do you have to really work hard on pacing yourself? I’m feeling like a shooting star here- starting off in a blaze of glory only to end up fading as time goes on before eventually winking out. Hopefully I’ll at least look better than a shriveled up piece of space rock.

I don’t want this to happen. It makes me upset to think that I’m getting close to throwing in the towel. I’m not comparing myself to any other writers out there who have done this kind of project before because I have the conviction that I’ll try this again at some point and succeed. Maybe I do have to relinquish some of my activities until I’m at the point where I can move into my own apartment. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses and I’ve lost sight of what my strengths are. It’s easy for that to happen because whatever you excel at comes naturally. There’s very little struggle to make it work and if you’re learning new techniques or expanding your knowledge base, you’re usually pretty quick to grasp the concepts.

It’s the weaknesses or struggles that stick out. There’s nothing worse than feeling like something that is your strong suit isn’t as spectacular as you thought. Now this perspective is almost always due to comparing yourself with someone you admire, look up to or try to emulate. Chances are they’re a professional and well-established in their area of expertise. You know what though? There are very few people who were able to bypass the crappy beginning stages and move right into expert-land. And the vast majority of people who have become the best have struggled and worked hard but you don’t usually see that. It’s the seductive lure of success that blinds you to what goes on in the background to make that happen. It’s easy to forget this because their first attempts that didn’t succeed are kept secret. They don’t trot out their rejected manuscripts or include their failed experiments in dinner-party conversations. So there’s no balance and very little humbling compared to the sheer volume of successes that are out there. That makes it really difficult for us little ones to carve out our niche and get out from under the great ones’ shadows. They’ve been put through the paces and have completed the rite of passage, it’s my turn now.

 

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