The End is in Sight- For July

Final Word Count; July 24, 2011- 4,000 (7 pages); 1 journal page

Well, I’m absolutely on track right now! And the best part? I’ve broke the 40,000 word mark! I think I’m up to page 80 now as well so I’m confident I’ll be able to get the 50,000 words and would really like to finish the novel. I hate to think that the end is weak and it’s unbalanced but at this point, the most important thing is to get my thoughts out. I can always go back in the future and spruce it up. To be honest, I don’t know if I want anyone to read it- it’s turned into an autobiography so strictly speaking, I’m disqualified from NaNoWriMo this month. I don’t really care though. I’m just really happy to be writing and pushing my creativity.

I was watching an old movie yesterday and the plot for my mystery literally flashed in my mind. I think I’d be content just scheming up storylines and outlining plots for other people. I find that process to be the most satisfying and creative. I like the feeling of starting with nothing and ending up with something new and exciting. There’s a shell of a piece of art and within that hazy structure, the potential is limitless. No wonder I always loved Choose Your Own Adventure stories.

I have to stop living in the future in regards to my work and start enjoying what’s currently evolving. The grass may seem greener on the other side when I start getting tired of the direction the story’s headed in, the characters seem one dimensional or I end up with writer’s burnout or writer’s block. I don’t need an excuse to treat myself to some delicious little extravagance, I think this is very definitely justified. It’s very difficult to maintain a certain level of creativity for such prolonged periods of time as well as rip your life apart with rusty tweezers and face things in black and white as things are written.

I’m not sure just year if this autobiography is what I expected it would be or whether it’s a triumph or possibly just a hot mess. I’m afraid to go through and read any part of it even though I’m intrigued to see what thoughts from my subconscious I was able to capture. The days with the high word counts were the times when my fingers were most closely linked to my stream of conscious. I don’t remember 1/20th of what I wrote; actually, I have no clue how I filled 80 pages with straight narration. What was so important to me that I’ve spent hours working on this?

Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to go through it again but come Sunday night, it will be finished whether or not it’s completed.

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